For hundreds of years, mankind has gazed at the sky, dreaming that one day we might fly to the Moon and retire. There are so many advantages to living in space: weightlessness, vast open expanses, a lack of germs, and blessed solitude.

This paradise was lost when Einstein recklessly published his General Theory of Relativity in 1915. It was a rude awakening. What? Time is faster if you live on the Moon than on Jupiter? The news traveled quickly. Major newspapers rushed out special editions with the alarming headline: Time on the Moon Flows Exceedingly Fast. Retire on Jupiter instead.

Interest in lunar exploration vanished for fifty years. Why go to the Moon if you don’t have enough time to come back?

The astronauts of Apollo 11 appeared to confirm it. When they splashed down, their pocket watches were allegedly 14 hours ahead of Earth time. One watch had even stopped altogether. A reporter famously remarked on the spot: “These people are ahead of our time.”

The same can be said of our company. Verde Crater Village leaves the competition in the lunar dust. Our company does not encourage anyone to retire on the Moon. We merely provide logistical support for those who have already made that deeply questionable decision.

We build ready-to-assemble golf villages in abandoned lunar craters. Most of the territory we claim was hardly ever inhabited, so there is virtually no pollution.

We even offer a complimentary package for the undecided. You are always subjected to hard sells elsewhere. Not with us.

We fly guests out in the morning aboard one of our shuttles. They arrive that same evening. They then spend ten years being thoroughly pampered in a luxurious lunar resort. If, after all that, they are still undecided, we fly them back free of charge.